He's learning the ways . . .

(standing with me, staring, as I put on my makeup in front of the vanity mirror) "Mom, why do you put on so much makeup?"

Me: "So I will look prettier."

Him, haltingly: "But . . . it doesn't . . . " (then stopping suddenly, then total silence as he thinks better of it, walking away, lips pursed.)

Mr. Clarity

(In the car . . .)

Me, trying to explain the intricacies of my recent gastric bypass surgery to The Boy and his sister:
"So now that I have had the surgery, my tummy is really small. It's like the size of a baby's tummy, so it's like having a newborn baby tummy . . ."

Without missing a beat, the boy added, "Yeah, it's like having a newborn baby tummy in a really, REALLY old body."

First Email

The Boy now has his own email address, which may be a big mistake:

From: The Boy [mailto:*******@gmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 8:17 PM
To: Mom
Subject: Re: Hi!

i farteded

-----Original Message-----

On 8/3/08, Mom <***********@bellsouth.net> wrote:

I am glad that you have email now.

I love you!

The Name Game

In the car . . . what a surprise . . .

Big Sister: I wish my middle name wasn't Autumn

Me: Why? It's a beautiful name, and you were born in the autumn.

Big Sister: It's NOT a beautiful name when The Boy calls me Bottom (this elicits a snicker of laughter from The Boy)

Big Sister, continuing: I wish my name was Summer.

The Boy, without missing a beat: Me too, cause then I could call you Dumber!

Husband, under his breath to me, trying not to laugh: Goddamn, he is too quick.