So, yeah . . . The Boy got his wish this past Christmas. He got a fire pit in the backyard. Here is his homage to the Fire Gods, accompanied by his sister's Hello Kitty cellphone ringer.
Please to enjoy.
10 years ago
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
TiVO Spelling Bee
(cranky, hot with fever on the sofa yesterday, clicking through the TiVO list) Who in the hell erased Dr. Who?
(me) "It starts with a D-R"
(him, still cranky, muttered under his breath, but I could STILL hear him) "I KNOW that Mom. DUH! It doesn't start with ANYTHING when some dumbass erases it!" (a little louder now) "How do you spell 'Survivorman'?"
I let it slide because he was feverish.
Like that makes any difference.
(me) "It starts with a D-R"
(him, still cranky, muttered under his breath, but I could STILL hear him) "I KNOW that Mom. DUH! It doesn't start with ANYTHING when some dumbass erases it!" (a little louder now) "How do you spell 'Survivorman'?"
I let it slide because he was feverish.
Like that makes any difference.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Cycle of Life
When The Boy was just a wee tot, he delighted in riding his tricycle through the house at breakneck speed.
When he was a little over a year old, we all came home one day to discover, to our horror, that both of our parrots were stone cold dead on the floor. They had succumbed to fumes from our oven that we had set to self-clean days earlier, and although we had placed the birds outside for the 2 days following the cleaning, we underestimated the presence of fumes on Day 3, and our poor birds were the victims.
Wordlessly, Hub and I looked at the dead birds on the floor, and then at each other, overcome with the gravity of the situation. Meanwhile, The Boy had jumped on his trusty tricycle and pedaled like a bat out of hell to where we were both standing, stunned.
Looking quickly at the lifeless creatures, he dismissed them just as quickly and glanced at us, popped his ever-present pacifier out of his mouth and blurted out, "Birds dead. Cookie me?"
When he was a little over a year old, we all came home one day to discover, to our horror, that both of our parrots were stone cold dead on the floor. They had succumbed to fumes from our oven that we had set to self-clean days earlier, and although we had placed the birds outside for the 2 days following the cleaning, we underestimated the presence of fumes on Day 3, and our poor birds were the victims.
Wordlessly, Hub and I looked at the dead birds on the floor, and then at each other, overcome with the gravity of the situation. Meanwhile, The Boy had jumped on his trusty tricycle and pedaled like a bat out of hell to where we were both standing, stunned.
Looking quickly at the lifeless creatures, he dismissed them just as quickly and glanced at us, popped his ever-present pacifier out of his mouth and blurted out, "Birds dead. Cookie me?"
Conisseur
The Boy was an early adopter of pizza. Although he preferred plain cheese, he wasn't completely opposed to trying beef, or even pepperoni, with great success.
Confusion set in one evening when he was 3. He only seemed to be befuddled for a few minutes after taking a big bite of a New York-style piece of pizza with monstrously large, gray slices of mushrooms adorning the top that his cousin had brought in.
Not wanting to appear initially ungrateful, he took a big bite out of a slice and chewed thoughtfully for a few moments.
Finally, he made his determination as he wrinkled his nose and dropped the offending slice on the floor for our ever-present dog to scarf up, declaring that "This elephant pizza doesn't taste very good!"
Confusion set in one evening when he was 3. He only seemed to be befuddled for a few minutes after taking a big bite of a New York-style piece of pizza with monstrously large, gray slices of mushrooms adorning the top that his cousin had brought in.
Not wanting to appear initially ungrateful, he took a big bite out of a slice and chewed thoughtfully for a few moments.
Finally, he made his determination as he wrinkled his nose and dropped the offending slice on the floor for our ever-present dog to scarf up, declaring that "This elephant pizza doesn't taste very good!"
Jackass Schematics
Do you think this is how Steve-O got started?
(click on the pic to see the full screen-wide greatness)
(click on the pic to see the full screen-wide greatness)
The notations don't inspire alot of confidence, especially since the college-aged student teacher transcribed the most important part of this whole diabolical plan as a "latter" to get to the roof of our house.
Pray for me.
BBQ and patent law
(The Boy was looking somewhat confused while waiting for his chicken fingers to arrive at Sonny's BBQ a few months back. He was tracing the picture of the rotund Sonny's BBQ man on the kid's menu and adressed a question to his 20 year old cousin)
"Why does the little Sonny's man have an 'R' with a circle around it, right here near his cowboy boot?"
(cousin, trying to formulate a simplistic answer for a child) "Um, that 'R' means that no one can copy this picture."
(The Boy, still tracing the Sonny's man) "Then, shouldn't it be a 'C' with a circle for copyright?"
Whole table sitting in stunned silence as he continues to color.
(cousin, trying to formulate a simplistic answer for a child) "Um, that 'R' means that no one can copy this picture."
(The Boy, still tracing the Sonny's man) "Then, shouldn't it be a 'C' with a circle for copyright?"
Whole table sitting in stunned silence as he continues to color.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Mystery Cloud Hoop-De-Doodle
"Mom, do they have gum and toys on the Mystery Cloud Hoop-De-Doodle?"
The Boy picked up the habit of saying "hoop-de-doodle" recently, and it stands in for most everything he can't recall immediately. Sort of like "doo-hickey", or "thingamajig". Anyway, I can usually figure out what "hoop-de-doodle" means, but in this case, I was stumped.
Visibly aggravated, he said it again. "You know! The Mystery Cloud Hoop-De-Doodle, where you go when you die!"
I finally got it. "You mean heaven!"
Dismissing me with a tone that clearly indicated that his mind had already moved on to greener pastures, he mumbled, "Yeah. Heaven."
I'm pretty sure I like "Mystery Cloud Hoop-De-Doodle" better.
The Boy picked up the habit of saying "hoop-de-doodle" recently, and it stands in for most everything he can't recall immediately. Sort of like "doo-hickey", or "thingamajig". Anyway, I can usually figure out what "hoop-de-doodle" means, but in this case, I was stumped.
Visibly aggravated, he said it again. "You know! The Mystery Cloud Hoop-De-Doodle, where you go when you die!"
I finally got it. "You mean heaven!"
Dismissing me with a tone that clearly indicated that his mind had already moved on to greener pastures, he mumbled, "Yeah. Heaven."
I'm pretty sure I like "Mystery Cloud Hoop-De-Doodle" better.
Ancient History
(while riding in the car. Editor's note: The Boy does some of his best thinking in the car) "Mom, remember that time we had a picnic at that park with all the ducks at the lake, and we played kickball with that huge Dora the Explorer ball?"
(me, surprised) "Yeah, I remember. How do YOU remember that? You were only 3!"
(him, already bored) "Actually, I was 2 the year Santa brought me that Dora ball."
(me, surprised) "Yeah, I remember. How do YOU remember that? You were only 3!"
(him, already bored) "Actually, I was 2 the year Santa brought me that Dora ball."
A Moment of Tenderness
(to his grandmother, who is looking at him lovingly as he builds a massive LEGO structure in her living room) Mama D, when I grow up, I am going to build you a great big house . . .
(pause for dramatic effect while she swells with love and pride) . . . you know, if you aren't dead!
(pause for dramatic effect while she swells with love and pride) . . . you know, if you aren't dead!
Raking the Muck
I figure I have about 5 years' time to make up. This kid has been funny since birth, pretty much, so I am just gonna jot stuff here when it dawns on me, in no particular order.
Thank you for your patronage. Please drive through.
Thank you for your patronage. Please drive through.
Where to Begin
Yesterday, Husband was cleaning out a VERY stinky hamster cage. Rancid, really. This hamster has lived way longer than I ever thought it would, having been disgarded by The Boy well over a year ago to live in my office after biting him and drawing MASSIVE amounts of blood.
Holding his nose, he announced, "I should have stomped that stinky rat flat when I had the chance!"
I'm not even sure where to start to correct him.
Holding his nose, he announced, "I should have stomped that stinky rat flat when I had the chance!"
I'm not even sure where to start to correct him.
Sick Day Questions
I gotta start locking the TiVO. The Boy was home today with a slight fever, enjoying some sofa goodness, watching the tube and called out to me "Hey Mom, what is a "shoebox full of blow"?
Seems Krusty needed one to get through his bit on the Simpsons.
(sigh) Guess I'm up for Mother of the Year, again.
Seems Krusty needed one to get through his bit on the Simpsons.
(sigh) Guess I'm up for Mother of the Year, again.
Inaugural Post
I was boring someone again today with something funny my kid said, and it dawned on me: Why not blog this crap? It will save me from boring my friends, and when Alzheimer's sets in and I can't remember a damn thing, it will be a source of amusement for one and all!
So, without further ado, may I present . . . My Kid's Krazy Krap! (patent pending)
So, without further ado, may I present . . . My Kid's Krazy Krap! (patent pending)
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